Tracy put a finger to
his lips. ‘You know John Evans came to see me and Darren tonight and he let me
in on what happened just before I dumped all this on you at the hospital. Only
then, did I learn how much stuff you’ve had going on, and I think I’ve been a
bit unfair. For too long Darren and I have tried to put what we did to one side,
not think of how we failed you and we didn’t know how much we need your
forgiveness.’ Tracy felt her tears stream down her cheeks. ‘Everyone sees me as
this hardnosed business woman without feelings, yet every day the little girl
inside me wants to hide until a good fairy comes along and makes everything
right.’ She dug around in her bag and produced a tattered long haul driver’s
log book. ‘This is your dad’s. From the day you left he folded the pages a
different way. Most truckies fold forward but your dad folded them back. You
might wonder why, but I think you’ll find the answer in there somewhere. I know
I did.’ She passed it to him. ‘You know, Sarah, John’s sister, your Mum
Shellie, and me we were all mates, right through school. When Michelle
contracted breast cancer that was the just the pits and we all cried for days.
When we found out she was having you, she was over the moon until they told her
the therapy would harm your chance of survival. Our friend told them she would
go full term and then have the treatment. She was so brave, Toby and so strong
willed, we couldn’t talk her out of it. Maybe you remember the perfume because
she wore it too, we all did. She gave it to us for being her bridesmaids.’
Toby picked up a box of
tissues and passed them to his stepmother.
‘You should hate us for
what we did and yet here you are passing me bloody tissues.’
‘Pop taught me that
holding a grudge is hard work and I reckon he’s right.’ Toby turned away, he
didn’t need tears and if he looked at Tracy he knew they would have the box
empty in a minute. ‘I was angry, and my moods made me quite a handful for a
long time, but he never pressured me. Sure I had to go to a new school, but nobody
there knew how bad I was and some of the kids who were there, were worse. I
soon saw that I was lucky to have someone who loved me unconditionally. I
couldn’t say it like this at the time, but I knew what I wanted to say, I just
couldn’t make out the words. When I looked at what the teachers wrote on the
boards to me it looked like alphabet soup, letters everywhere. Old Charlie got
me sorted. He told Pop he’d heard someone talking about ADHD and disruptive
kids on the radio. One appointment, a couple of hours of watching Shrek and we
walked out with a prescription for new glasses and in a few days I could see
how the letters formed words and even numbers made sense.’
‘Clever old you, eh?’
Tracy tried to hide her guilt by attempting to laugh. ‘There was so much
bitterness between Darren and his Dad, what could we do?’
‘Yeah.’
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