It was great to see how their novels had developed while I was away. I was pleased to be able to catch up with the adventures of the settlers in Les's novel: Redemption. this is science fantasy about Earth's colonisation of the planet Arena. Caitlin has progressed well with her novel: The Adventures of Incredible Man. Her writing takes me back to the numerous comics I had as a kid. Back then I loved reading about Superman and the many other heroes that spawned in the pre television era.
Writing groups are usually small, about six to ten participants and everyone is at different stages of writing and have various skill strengths. That variation propels us forward.
To demonstrate how our group works, I thought that I would post the first draft of the story I put up for critique this week. Bearing in mind this was the very first hastily written draft I threw it into the mix to attract as many comments as I could.
Over the next few weeks you will be able to watch the story develop as I will re-draft the piece. Guided by my colleagues comments I hope to demonstrate how their critiques have helped to improve the piece:
Here is the first rough draft of the story I offered for critique.
Work boots and feral utes
Wordsmith's general comments:
Things to work on:
- Improve the grammar with sentence structure
- Title is great but requires capitals
- Was she going for an interview or a job? Requires an explanation in the writing.
- What was it she couldn't ask her parents for?
- The CB why wouldn't he use a phone?
- Ally needs to be somewhere, the reader can get confused here.
- It would be unlikely for some one in this situation to 'drop off' , suggest a rework of the sentence.
- Sarah says 'Yeah but I don't understand?' what is it she doesn't understand. needs expanding.
- How does she now they are steel capped boots.
- The ending is unresolved.
- Realistic dialogue, I liked it a lot
- This has all of the elemnts of a romance except there is not enough of it.
- Overall I liked the story, I think you are a bit of a romantic at heart.
- I really enjoyed the fell of the story, the pain,despair hopelessness, making wrong life choices. The way it kicks you when you're down, then gives you a second chance.
- I liked the concept of the story, the thought f everything going wrong and then hope revealing itself. The opening paragraph got me in.
- You could feel her frustration in the opening, being controlled and hemmed in. The characters portrayed good country people who are friendly and helpful so they came across as real. The story moved welladding variety to each setting and person.
- Great opening paragraph. You introduce character and internal conflict against a background of external conflict. Lots of great verbs and a real sense of actiongoing on here.
During the next couple of weeks I will rewrite the piece and put it before the group again to see how they view it a second time. I will keep you posted with the developments.